Why didn't it happen?

We were young, and I think we were in love but didn't really know it. My brain commanded me to examine a previous experience today, so I had to obey.

I don't even remember how we met the first time, through a friend? Maybe a best-friend? "Hi, so you're X whom she's been talking about. Nice to meet you.". "Music, oh I love music." "What? You play too....crazy!".

Then we got to chatting, then we got to talking on the phone, then we became best friends, then .... nothing.

I think at some point, we knew that it was more than just friendship, but we didn't know what to do with that.

He didn't want to wreck it and I expected him to make the first move, speak up you idiot!! Tell me you love me like there's no tomorrow. 

He didn't.

It got weirder, and at some point the inevitable question popped up..."what is this?". He threw the ball in my court and wanted me to decide. At the time, I was really furious at him for not telling me how he felt. I told him "we're friends", I knew we weren't and I knew we were not going to be for a while. 

I was mad at him. Couldn't be comfortable around him anymore. I always thought that that was cowardice on his part and felt hurt.

For all I know, we could have gotten married a couple of years later and had kids together. I would hate his cynicism and he would hate my "feminist independence". We would love each other for everything else.

The memories I shared with him, as innocent as they were, are memories I cherish and hold dearly. 

He taught me about a lot of things, including music. Just jamming with him someday was motive enough for me to practice on my piano, print out sheet music after sheet music. I learnt a lot. 

I remember one day when we got the phone bill and mom howed me his mobile number and asked me if I knew whose it was....I could feel every inch of me blushing. 

I remember before I travelled that night we went out with our friends then later we talked and talked and talked on the phone. I knew I was going to miss him and over those two weeks when I was away from Egypt, he was always on my mind..

I still don't know if that was love or hormones. All I know is that we didn't handle it well and it makes me feel better when I blame it all on him and consider him a coward for not taking matters into his own hands at the point of either-or. 

Regardless, a little piece of my heart always remains dedicated to him, my wonderful friend. I wish him sincerely all the best this life has to offer because he and his new family deserve it.